Going with
the Flow

Throw out your ambitious ten-point plan and learn to go with the flow of life, says Kristie Kellahan.

Have you ever tried your utmost – given your all and then given a bit more – to a career, a relationship or anything else you really wanted, only to come up against obstacle after obstacle? There are different theories on how to handle these challenges that we all face at one time or another: the gung-ho captain of self-help, Anthony Robbins, would say chase that dream, wrestle it to the ground, don’t stop till you make it yours. Near enough isn’t good enough and never, ever take no for an answer. He may be right: with an attitude of relentless determination and unshakeable persistence you probably will end up reaching the goals you have set for yourself. But at what cost? What will it cost your health, for instance, to slog through 80-hour weeks because that’s what is required in your industry to earn a promotion? What will it cost your soul to stay in a relationship where there is no laughter and no tenderness, in order to avoid the chasm of alone-ness? You may grab the “prize” your heart is set on, only to find that instead of bringing you the happiness you expected, there’s the hollowness of an empty victory.

The Eastern religions and philosophies tend to take more of a “softly, softly” approach. Author, healer and expert on Ayurveda, Deepak Chopra, suggests knocking three times at the door of your dreams. In other words, actively step up and go after what you want, making it clear that you are willing to participate and co-create the outcome with the Universe. If, after knocking three times, that door stays closed, then you will be better served to take your passion, energy and desires elsewhere. This one just wasn’t meant to be. The choice becomes one of value, your value. Do you really want to keep flogging yourself and receive little in return? Don’t you deserve more than that?

When I was in my mid-twenties I read a book that changed my life. Bridge Across My Sorrows was the harrowing and compelling story of Christina Noble’s miserable childhood in Ireland and her subsequent journey to create loving homes for the orphans of Vietnam. That was it – I was going to move to Vietnam and work in an orphanage too! I had never before felt so excited and sure of anything. I bought a plane ticket and landed in bustling Ho Chi Minh City. Wow, it certainly was a fascinating place, full of colour and life. Yet as I travelled around and visited various charity projects, the strangest thing was happening: a song kept playing in my head. It was Cat Stevens’ Father and Son, to be precise. A song I had heard of, for sure, but not one that was a particular favourite. I don’t think I even owned a copy. And yet there were those words, on an endless loop through my mind: “It’s not time to make a change, just relax, take it easy.” It didn’t take Einstein to deduce the deeper meaning.

I don’t think Vietnam was the right place for me to be, and I may never know why. What I do know is that door after door closed for me there: it was impossible to secure a visa, the project I was going to work for lost its funding. I felt so disappointed. Heading back to Sydney I figured I wasn’t meant to work in an Asian orphanage after all, and got back into the swing of work.

About six months later someone mentioned Thailand to me. I’d heard of it, of course, but had never given it much thought beyond the tasty Pad Thai from my local takeaway. To cut a very long story short, every door connecting me with Thailand opened with ease and minimal effort. I flew over on a reconnaissance mission and found the perfect Buddhist orphanage to help out in. Strangers welcomed me with heartfelt assistance, the visa situation sorted itself out quickly, I found a charming apartment on my second day in town. If I was a betting woman, I’d bet this was meant to be. A six-month stint turned into almost two years of volunteering. I now go back to visit the children and nuns a couple of times every year. It has enriched my life beyond measure. I would never have experienced all this in Thailand if I had steadfastly stuck to the dream of Vietnam, despite all the odds.

Intuition, fate, destiny, the work of God or the Universe: call it what you will. All I know is that going with the flow of life can deliver some beautiful rewards.